noise for the hard of hearing

the next gig is coming up fast so pop a note to yourself on whatever social networking/notepad/sticky note/fridge magnet that you happen to use and don’t forget:

friday 19th april at zero. doors open 9pm. it’s FREE to get in so no excuses…

be there…you know you want to.

spam spam spam spam spam

just deleted 153 spam messages… we’ve never been so popular!

although, who knew there was “spam lite”, “spam hot and spicy”, “spam garlic”, “spam hawaii”, “spam bbq”, “spam with less sodium”, “spam hickory smoke” and “spam with freakin’ cheese”…

i was born in the wrong decade… thank goodness

(and who the hell says ” it’s porkfantastic” and lives to tell the tale? obviously only the masterminds behind spam…)

*crawls back under duvet and awaits the end of the world*

down under

loads of stuff has happened since i last wrote any nonsense here. i won’t bore you with details, dear reader (yep. down to one again) but suffice to say, it’s all turned better than expected. the big news this week is that our deranged delectable bass player is off to oz for a month. i hope he doesn’t get stolen from us by one of the fab bands that reside in the land down under 😉

have a fabulous trip, vishy. and come back to us full of stories and music and pictures. enjoy it for all of us. xxxxx

gissa job

it’s happened. finally, after years of being a professional diva, i have been forced to take a position. and before all you rude people jump to conclusions, i mean i’ve been forced to take a… such an ugly word… job. yes, your favorite diva will be starting work on monday… in an office… with desks and chairs and and and… dare i say it?… bosses.

of course, i have absolutely no idea what they are expecting me to do as i’m sure they’ll be providing an assistant to do the actual work. i’ve booked an early session at the spa for 11 on monday so i should arrive in time for whatever it is they foresee i will be doing. i do hope they won’t be asking me to actually use one of those horrible little PCs that they have. they must realise that a diva only uses a mac?

the pay is appalling. i don’t know how they expect peasants to live on the crumbs they give you, let alone someone like me. but because of this financial crisis bla bla bla  my lawyers keep harping on about, it seems that i must accept the pocket money they’re offering with enthusiasm and gratitude. i’ve told them it won’t keep me in underwear, not to mention the (regrettably skeleton) staff i am obliged to maintain. fortunately, they (the minions) have few expectations or ambitions so working for peanuts won’t really bother them.

and what does one wear to this workplace? i suppose i should dress down for the occasion. i don’t want to unleash the full force of the diva on day one. i can’t guard against all the office gossip that will ensue from having a celebrity in the mix but i won’t be the one to hand out the ammunition. oh! that reminds me. i must talk to the head of security at the company. it seems that they let riff-raff just walk in off the streets! haven’t they heard of the paparazzi? or stalkers? or fans? good grief, it’s going to be a long week.

i’m going to lie down. it’s exhausting just thinking about it.

fyi: the title of this post “gissa job” was the catchphrase of the character yosser hughes (bernard hill) from the tv series “boys from the blackstuff” (1982) by alan bleasdale. in case you were wondering…

mini diva

i’ve neglected the blog again! well, it’s hard to come up with a new piece of nonsense four or five times a week. so let’s have a look back over my week. after all, this place is all about me. contrary to popular belief, i am not out gallivanting every night. chance would be a fine thing. no, i’ve been working on various bits and pieces of grown-up stuff, hoping to make a pound or two in the future. but the big news this week is the inauguration of mini diva!

i was paid for a project that is in development (on the very serious issue of human trafficking. more on that later) and bought the new mac mini! it’s sooooooo cute. and lovely. and cuddly. and, for all of you who don’t care about looks, fast! i’d got so used to waiting for hours for programmes to open, being unable to watch videos and basically having to do everything at half the speed of a sheep’s brain, that i’ve been like a kid in woolworth’s on a saturday morning with 50 pence from granddad to spend. apart from peeing myself with all the excitement, i am now able to work on grown-up things like……. a grown-up! although i have played two episodes of tales of monkey island (very cool game if you like that kind of thing).

so what, you may ask, about the other members of the band? well, our crazy creative bass player vishy, is creating an online design services company called fluxink. it’s pretty brilliant (of course) and will be offering all manner of arty and creative bits and bobs, like logos and website templates and pretty much anything else you could think of. all online and therefore saving you at least the bus fare to get to a design office. more on that later too.

andreas has been furiously playing mafia wars, farmville and frontierthingy and recovering from his motorbike accident. if you are squeamish, don’t go to his facebook profile photo. it shows the scaffolding that is keeping his lower leg bones together. not for the faint-hearted.

michalis, the only real grown-up in the band, is busy working at a real job. did you know he’s a photojournalist? chances are you’ve seen his work in the national papers and he pops up on the news whenever there’s a riot in athens. he’s the one with the huge camera, not the one with the molotov.

so once again, i have nothing to report on the music front. you would be forgiven for thinking that we’re not a real band after all. ah well, world tours can always be re-arranged. legs have to mend first.

hospital reunion

we had one of the oddest band reunions ever yesterday. we met at andreas’s hospital bedside! he’s in relatively good spirits, considering he has metal bars sticking out of his leg. we joked about canceling the world tour and to be honest, we’re all quite relieved not to have to live out of suitcases for the next 6 months.

but joking aside, he’s ok and we are all relived that it wasn’t even more serious. he was wearing a helmet and all the proper gear. there’s a lesson in there kiddies. the most serious problem he’s facing now is the boredom. i’ll have to see if i can persuade him to write something here once in a while. he’s going to totally slaughter me on mafia wars if i don’t watch out. have to distract him from that!

injury time

our amazing and adorable guitarist, andreas, is in hospital at the moment with two broken legs, having lost an argument between his motorbike and a taxi. some of you elderly mature fans might remember back to october 2004, when we performed at the indie free festival with andreas in a very fetching thigh-length plaster. well, the silly poor bugger’s gone and done it again! except this time, he’s gone and busted both lower limbs. the doctors have said that it’ll be six months before he’s walking again.

what can i say? our world tour has been cancelled so fame and fortune will have to wait till next year. sorry to all our international fans, but our mate’s legs are more important than the fully-booked stadium (should that be “stadia”?) waiting for us around the globe.

get well soon, andreas. love and best wishes

the diva

have you missed me?

i’ve been off in the land of tech and implementing other people’s blogs and fixing my own grown-up one. and i have neglected my 4 and a half readers here at bad mathematics. loyalty doesn’t exist in the fast moving world of blogs. one day you’re in and the next, you’re out (in the immortal words of heidi klum)! so what’s been happening in the world of the bad mathematicians? summer is over and the gloom of the economic crisis has hit the band pretty hard. not least because we are unable to afford our favorite rehearsal brand of whisky. an essential component of a good old knees-up. but all is not lost… a cheap alternative, while very uncool, helps ease the pain of being unable (and unwilling) to fork out 18 euros for the bog standard brand we have grown to associate with the band. on the bright side, we are getting together every week and are recording our jam sessions. we are also planning on having some “come down to the studio and act all enthusiastic in the background” sessions. check back soon for details…

important notice: time change

the gig gods have struck again. as you know, we have a gig tonight (at after dark) and the managementâ„¢ produced the pornography poster. on that poster, it says “doors open 9.30pm”. however, unbeknownst to us, on saturdays the venue opens the doors at 10pm and the gig will not start until 12.

anyone planning to be there when the doors open are, of course, more than welcome to do so but be warned… there will be two hours before we get onstage.

to all you fashionably late, cool people, ignore this notice and come at your usual late hour.

to all you terribly uncool people like me, come along anyway and we’ll hang out.

see you later

naked

there has been much chatter and nonsense, on our facebook pages and here on the blog, about pornography, nakedness and general ill-behaviour in the bad mathematics empire. i would just like to make it clear that while some of this activity might be permissible and actually enjoyable in the privacy of one’s home, it is not something that is encouraged or participated in by myself. as i have noted in the past couple of weeks, the managementâ„¢ had to employ a certain ms. slut to participate in their “artwork” because they knew i wouldn’t.

and now there is talk of nakedness on stage and even amongst some potential audience members. let me be clear… if clothing is removed at the gig (saturday 19th june at after dark), i will remove myself from the stage.

i hear you all screaming “prude” but i have my reasons. i refuse to be upstaged by a heaving mass of naked loveliness. what chance do i have to be looked at and adored if everyone ‘s attention is on our gorgeous fans ?

so, come to the gig (we will be partying until late with dj.kosta). and keep your clothes on until you get home.

the only naked things allowed at our gigs are my feet.

thank you.