so now, obviously, my thoughts turn to what the hell am i going to wear on stage.i went out yesterday and was met with a hideous circus of bad eighties wanna-be dresses, skirts and assorted bits that can only be described as a travesty. i am allergic to anything that has ready-made holes, attached belts, dangling strings and bows or drop-waists. some of the items on display really needed a ten page manual on how to put them on with several chapters on how to keep them on.

really people. what happened to the little black dress? have i left my normal world and woken up in some kind of shoppers hell? and what the @##**#$@ is one size fits all? fits all? what does that mean? that i can wear the same size dress as an anorexic 14 year old? i don’t think so.

what this all means is that either i will be on stage on friday in an outfit everyone has seen before which is fine by me but totally unacceptable to my three personal stylists. or i have to go out shopping….again. don’t get me wrong. i like shopping. who doesn’t? (apart from my friend t and the majority of men that i know, but they’re crazy folk) but this season/year/last few years is a rock chick nightmare.

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get a grip, girlfriend. even you look terrible in this.

suggestions gratefully accepted.

i don’t do yellow, pink, lime-green, purple, turquoise or magenta. please also avoid sequins, glitter, mispelt slogans, anything with bunnies, kitties, teddies or in fact any “cute big-eyed” animals. no off the shoulder-held up by invisible string-show everything you have and even bits you don’t have-shiny cheap looking rags. inexpensive is good though.

thank you.

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